I write (and have written) a lot of these things. While IAQ means "Indoor Air Quality," today we're talking about "Infrequently Asked Questions." The term has been around for a while, but Fritz Fraundorf first coined the term "IAQ" for walkthroughs and strategy guides of games that don't exist; usually these are satirical in nature. Beath of Flams started a brief but cool phenomenon in 1999 (though it wasn't Fritz's first IAQ, in fact he made something before he called these IAQs!), but has since died out. I still find a lot of enjoyment in writing these things; maybe you'll like them too.

Here's a list of things I've written in the world of IAQs.

My first finished IAQ from late 2001, a short and sweet satirical look at really bad mascot racers and the declining production values of PC game makers. At the end of 2009, I have gone and given it a new layer of polish (and took out almost all the other IP references) - complete with references to people and things from the later installments. If you are really that hard pressed to see the old version, you can e-mail me specifically asking for it. But this, my friends, is the definitive version.

This really told the world (or whatever parts of it cared) that IAQing lived. The current largest finished IAQ to date at almost 2 MB (text), this was a crossover fighter between my characters and those of a friend of mine. A lot of memories are stockpiled here, and I fondly refer to it as my first completed big project. This is the latest public version, which was hosted by my friend Shiba (thanks buddy!) and now you can find it here. Yay! It's slightly outdated and this is a little bit sloppy compared to my later works, but there's always the chance I'll probably do a little more with it. You know I might. We'll see. Note that the contact info is a bit outdated; I'll fix that up prim and proper sometime later.

I'm a regular over at a message board named Orochinagi. I did something really retarded called the "King of Spammers," a big battle thing between posters. It bit, but it inspired a friend of mine I call "Shibs" to do a big fighting game IAQ called Orochinagi Fighters. It fell apart, but it wasn't the end; another poster (and also a friend) named PenPen went and made the sequel to the unreleased IAQ. It was called Orochinagi Fighters II: The Orgyfest. Of course, most of the posters half-assed their entries and it took quite a while for PenPen to move it all to an .html file, but he did it. People asked who was going to do ONF3, and... well, that's where I came in. Due to the number of half-hearted movelists in ONF2, I made the character sheet simpler (based on Capcom's Power Stone 2 to be exact), and took it from there. This is really only enjoyable if you're a regular at Orochinagi, but I figure I'd put it up to show you people the things I do. This zip file also includes the first draft character sheets for completion's sake.

Ah, these. I've been challenging myself by writing a couple of dopey 24-hour IAQs. I decided I'd make fun of the Megaman X series by creating a toilet humor-filled written parody. I've written each installment within 24 hours or less, and each one corresponds to the same game. (Example: Dead Horse V2 makes fun of Megaman X2). The Megaman X series is copyrighted by Capcom. There, legalese is out of the way. Enjoy!

Ah, my original IAQ attempt... and one of the IAQ world's greatest blunders. Hey, what's this doing in the "completed" section? Hmm. Maybe I should click on it, download, and see. It is my first ever IAQ, but something doesn't seem right about it. Can you figure out what it is? Of course you can. See for yourself. You don't have to tell me, chances are I already know and I'm just leading you on as you read the single greatest bit of self-parody ever written. The original copy is included as a bonus... or a curse. You decide!

Clash of Galaxies, move over. This is the new largest IAQ ever made. The fourth and final installment of the Orochinagi Fighters series, first started with my friends Sheba and The Green Herring. The movelists are all far more technical than any other make-believe fighting game project ever conceived. Sound boring? I suppose, but it's still a landmark in itself. Broken into multiple files for ease of reading on slower machines. The fact this thing even got completed is a miracle in itself, and is a worthy read for anybody who still holds interest in IAQ technobabble these days. A very worthy read, indeed, as this marks the end of the Orochinagi Fighters legacy. At 5MB unzipped (rounded up), you'll be occupied for a long time to come. Made for the Orochinagi community, but some of you may find it entertaining... or just a select few.

Five years after the beginning of D12/R R. A bad mascot racer was had, in honor of the equally bad mascots that sold the fictional and horrible Good $#^+ Cola. Now they're out of the limelight. They go to college in hopes of getting on with their lives. Consider that these lives are going to be led by the nutcase leader who is stuck in his glory days and can't leave the past behind, a fat guy who whines a lot and still wants his own IAQ after all this time, and the token female who hates her fans and goes AFK on a whim. But what of the archvillain Baron Suck, whose dream of removing all fun and Good $#^+ Cola from the world has been, in effect, realized? Did the developers of D12/R R finally get it right? Find out! (version w00tz!...and I'm calling it complete for lulz.)

The venerable soft drink mascots Diego, Sydney, and Rita have another crack in appearing within a really crappy licensed "game." They journey to Quickbuck Spinoffia Isle in order to help an annoying new character designed for the series with something that involves tennis tournaments or whatever. How far from grace have they fallen - if there was any grace left over in these years - in the eyes of a fandom that reviles what has become of them? Find out in the latest, and greatest, humorous IAQ that marks ten years of doing this crap. Close the first decade of the new millenium with this horrible sports spinoff.

I've written a couple of incomplete IAQs as well. I'll break them down for you.

Ah, my old RPG IAQ. This one's actually a bit of a cult favorite. It stars this blue-haired main hero guy who speaks in non-alphanumerics. Enough said. The characters were based on Orochinagi posters (and ON poster submissions), too. Unfortunately it began to suck around Disc 3, and thus I stopped it there. There are plans to revive this later on as Skmcbrjklzydnim: Urban Legends (to mock Skies of Arcadia Legends for Gamecube, no less). Stay tuned... or don't. It'll be a while. In the meantime, enjoy the old version. Laugh at the outdated bits of vanity in the update history section!

There's some history behind the non-alphanumeric arrangement of ^@^#%, but that's not important. This was originally to be the "sequel" to D12/R R. It starred Twelve, the least popular character. Here, he becomes a janitor at an apartment building filled with the thing he hates most - catgirls. General weirdness ensues. I don't know why this stopped, but it will be remade. The difference in this case would be that it'll star the entire trio and not just Twelve. Now, the D12/R trio has been moonlighting elsewhere (look through my IAQs and you're bound to find references and cameos), but the time has come for a full-fledged IAQ sequel. Keep checking my to-do list for updates on that.

About a year ago, Webrunner, the guy who does the popular RPG parody webcomic named ADVENTURERS!, ran a contest to see who could write the comic best in FAQ form. Since I was big on IAQs and it was a chance for publicity, I entered... and won. So, what's this doing under "unfinished?" I didn't do as much with it as I wanted to! Webrunner says that the comic will probably end soon as RPGs have a limited joke base. I might go and finish this if that's the case, but it'd be at the bottom of my to-do list currently. Still, it'd be a fitting tribute, would it not? Read the entry, then feel free to go enjoy the comic. By the way, Webrunner, if you happen to read this, you still owe me that pic you said was the prize. :D

I pulled a prank on Orochinagi with the rest of the ONF4 staff. Basically we tried to fool the populace that the "old" ONF4 was going to be completely dumped and that we were going to do this retarded thing instead which made fun of the development of ONF4 in the early days, as well as a few mannerisms among the submitters. Inquire within!

Among the most ambitious of IAQ projects to date, Aberrant Sandglass is an RPG IAQ based on an old roleplaying thing I did with friends a long time ago. Aberrant Sandglass is the story of Barnum Halken, his foster sister Rylia, and a handful of others as they get themselves into a big mess that involves not only the space-time continuum, but the relations between three nations: the isolationist union of multiple intelligent races on a land once thought unreachable, the sprawling overpopulated empire faced with the plight of having no further land to expand to, and the technological superpower based on an island in the northeast. Rewritten almost from the ground up with a heavy base in the ancient Mog's Realm from the heyday of AOL RP in the mid to late 1990s, Aberrant Sandglass could very well be among the finest IAQs ever made... assuming it crosses the finish line! (2009 update: ...nope! Not yet! Maybe not ever!!) Comes in a .ZIP file.

There's little to no reason for this thing to still be up, but whatever. It's an early compilation of ONF4's sheets, likely due for one last update with the stuff that went unused for the final take. Filesize-wise it's bigger than the actual ONF4, but not by much. Once again, I'm known as "Emmy" over there. Required reading if you like(d) ONF4.

All the entries from the July 2004 IAQ contest. The goal? Make an IAQ in 24 hours or less. The prize? A walk-on role for AHTM3. I've no idea when AHTM3's coming out, but the turnout was far higher than I thought it would've been. Quite a few of the participants made enjoyable entries, and at the end the winning position could've went to several people. After all the rules and regulations and judgments were applied, a winner was declared. Will I host something like this again? Maybe if I can think of a worthwhile prize, yes.